ENFJs put a lot of consideration and empathy in their relationships with people. They are almost always conscientious, enthusiastic, and warm. They work hard to ensure that all their friends and family members feel listened to, cared for, and understood. Harsh words can be spoken and these words can hurt the ENFJ very deeply. So what should you never say to an ENFJ? Certain phrases everyone hates to hear. Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here.
ENFJs are naturally expressive and exuberant individuals. Their emotions are easily readable on their faces, and they feel things very deeply. They often seem very animated and lively, and other types can mistake their natural charisma for being overly-dramatic or attention-seeking.
This goes hand-in-hand with the above statement. ENFJs care deeply about making a good impression on the people in their lives. Being told that someone is disappointed in them is a crushing experience for them because they have such high expectations for themselves when it comes to taking care of other people.
ENFJs like to fully flesh out their ideas before moving on to another topic. People who impatiently rush them through a sentence or story may cause them to shut down and feel stifled or embarrassed. ENFJs need time to recover from harsh words, bullying, or hurt. They tend to take things personally and may need extra time to process how they feel about what happened. ENFJs are wired to think about people outside themselves, to relate to, understand, and communicate effectively with them.
Anyone can be selfish, but some people accuse the ENFJ of being selfish simply to get more out of them or to put them on a guilt trip. They know that these are the exact words that will hurt them the most because ENFJs obviously care about people and what they think of them.
Strengths & Weaknesses
It could cause very real harm. ENFJs really look forward to spending time with the people they care about. I wrote a whole blog article about this misconception. They love to make people feel happy and understood. While unhealthy ENFJs can be fake or manipulative, the majority are not and feel extremely hurt by the accusation.
Belittling the causes that the ENFJ cares about or feels passionately for never goes well. A lot of ENFJ type descriptions focus on their warmth and empathy, but ignore their determination and goal-oriented nature.
They like to know when they can expect something to happen and if they can count on people to follow through on their word. Procrastination and lack of planning can cause them a lot of stress. You can also connect with me via FacebookInstagramor Twitter! Want to discover more about personality type? Get the inside scoop with Susan Storm on all things typological, along with special subscriber freebies, and discounts on new eBooks and courses!
Join our newsletter today! Man, number 7 has made me loose friendships in the past. It really really rubs me up the wrong way! See more things not to say here. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. By Susan Storm.Every personality type is stressed by different things and has different ways of responding.
What aggravates stress for each type? What are some effective solutions for each type? But I want to give some basics in this article for ENFJs who find themselves in the midst of anxiety, overwhelm and frustration. ENFJs spend a lot of their time taking care of the needs of other people.
They are deeply in tune with the emotional atmosphere around them, and innately want to keep morale high and the mood pleasant. They are generally tactful, warm, considerate, and in many cases very selfless. Sometimes over-empathizing and feeling the moods of others for so long can cause them to burn out.
ENFJs are also notoriously perfectionistic. As idealists, they have an intensely beautiful image of the future, and they want to reach it with such intense passion that it can be all-consuming.
In pursuit of their vision, they can wear themselves out and put their own personal needs last as they take care of others and work to achieve their ideal future. As judging types, ENFJs also hate disrupted plans. Interruptions, people who shirk their responsibilities at the last minute, and having things poorly organized all frustrate them. ENFJs feel responsible for their environment; not so much in the sense that they have to have everything perfectly clean, but in the sense that they try to arrange everything to meet the needs of others.
People who are careless about the moods of others or who disrupt their plans can cause them a lot of irritation. Not sure what your personality type is? Take our new personality questionnaire here.
When experiencing day-to-day stress, ENFJs will try to find constructive ways to handle it using their combination of Extraverted Feeling and Introverted Intuition.
ENFJs may behave more true-to-type when they are stressed, and rely on the comfort and encouragement of trusted friends to find relief. They like to be able to discuss their feelings with a close friend and to have their emotions and experiences acknowledged. They also will use their Intuition to see the big picture and try to focus on their main goals and purpose in life. This means that ENFJs can experience stress in a more severe way than other types; developing headaches, shoulder tension, or an upset stomach as a result.
They may also try to distance themselves from the source of the perceived stress to protect their sense of well-being. This repression can build up over time and cause them to lose their temper or react in charged anger.
When ENFJs are in the grip of introverted thinking, their dominant and auxiliary functions have become completely worn down, and they behave in surprisingly uncharacteristic ways. They may obsess over their mistakes, withdraw from people, criticize themselves and others, and lash out at people.
They might become obsessed with analyzing irrelevant data to find some reason or core cause for their stress. ENFJs like to have the comfort and confidence of a good friend or family member when they are experiencing stress.
They want to be listened to, to have their feelings acknowledged, and be reminded of their strengths and contributions. Not only does exercise release powerful endorphins in the brain which reduce stress, exercise also helps the ENFJ to get in touch with their tertiary Sensing function. Many people are able to reduce stress or pull themselves out of a grip reaction by accessing their tertiary function.
ENFJs sometimes need to withdraw from the situation that is causing them stress and immerse themselves in a new environment. This is especially true if the environment they were in was full of conflict or criticism.
According to Irina Wen, Ph. Military Family Clinic at NYU Langone Medical Center, being outside reduces cognitive fatigue and stress and can be helpful with depression and anxiety. Watching a lighthearted movie can help them to take a break and relax, it can also help them to healthily tap into their feeling and sensing sides. ENFJs tend to be hard on themselves and work very tirelessly, so a movie can give them a nice pause from their concerns and pressures. ENFJs can often get a better grasp of their emotions if they can write them down in a journal.Andrea loves to write about the zodiac and research astrological love compatibility.
She's been an online writer for over five years. The four letters stand for extraversion Eintuition Nfeeling Fand judgment J. People with this personality tend to have extraverted feelings, introverted intuition, extroverted sensing, and introverted thinking.
They're known for their ability to comfort people, make friends, and share wisdom. It's hard for you to cut bad people out of your life, making it easy for people to take advantage of you. You worry that performing well in competitions and activities will hurt your relationships with people. You get so excited by small details that you don't see what's wrong with the bigger picture. You're happy your boyfriend spent time with you at a gas station, and you fail to realize he didn't take you on a real date.
You get depressed and become a trainwreck when something goes wrong. Imagine drunken hysteria, lots of crying, deep introspection, and spending too much time with others. You nod your head in agreement because you want to be liked, even if you don't understand what's being said. You have difficulty understanding your dark side. This may give it the power to overwhelm and confuse you without warning. When you finally stand up for yourself, it's so late in the game that you end up causing more conflict for other people.
Emotions, social chemistry, and attractions influence your decisions so much that you forget to consider the long-term consequences. You avoid vocalizing your complaints and choose to drop hints instead.
If the other person calls you out on this, you get tempted to go into an angry, introspective spiral. You have a hard time choosing sides because everyone to be happy. Some people may cut you out of their lives because they see you're too close with their enemy. You can become a total psychopath if you haven't appropriately matured.
If you align yourself with the wrong people, you can be trained to act like a clueless beast. You need to open up and get to know who you are. It takes a lot of motivation to do so, but you'll be stronger for it. You know the gossip and judgment going around, and it keeps you from getting a good night's rest. Small things set you off. If your roommate left you a note saying you need to wash the dishes piled up in the sink, you would cry. You should steer clear of picture-perfect suburban utopias because you could get lost in something fake.
When you realize something's wrong, you'd experience a breakdown, midlife crisis, etc. You care more about getting to know people than pursuing your interests. This ropes you into activities you may not enjoy. You struggle to express your thoughts in words. You might show stress with random sounds and extreme facial expressions. It's hard to remember that if someone gives you constructive criticism, it doesn't mean they dislike you.
You want to be the best at everything, and you need to remember it's okay not to be a master of it all.People of the following types are more likely than most to share the ENFJ's values, interests, and general approach to life. They won't necessarily agree on everything, and there's no guarantee they'll always get along, but they're more likely to feel an easy rapport and have plenty of things in common.
People of the following types are likely to strike the ENFJ as similar in character, but with some key differences which may make them seem especially intriguing.
The ENFJ may find people of these types particularly interesting and attractive to get to know. Relationships between ENFJs and these types should have a good balance of commonalities and opportunities to challenge one another. ENFJs may not feel an immediate connection with people of the following types, but on getting to know each other, they'll likely find they have some important things in common, as well as some things to teach one other.
Although people of these types may not attract the ENFJ initially, their relationships present a lot of potential to complement and learn from one other. People of the following types present the most potential for personality clash and conflict with the ENFJ, but also the best opportunities for growth. Because people of these types have fundamentally different values and motivations from the ENFJ's, initially, it may seem impossible to relate.
But because they are so different, their strengths are the ENFJ's weaknesses, and if they are able to develop a relationship, they can learn a tremendous amount from each other.
In relationships, the ENFJ is helpful and enthusiastically supportive. They are motivated to understand their partners and to do what pleases them, and are sensitive the the emotions and reactions of their mates.
ENFJs make great cheerleaders, and will encourage their partners to develop and explore their potential. They are engaged and ready to help, and look for opportunities to support their mates in their accomplishments. ENFJ partners want harmony above all else, sometimes at the expense of their own needs.
Conflict is upsetting to ENFJs, and they often avoid it. ENFJs are very sensitive to criticism and can become highly emotional and even punishing when their feelings are hurt. However, they have great insight about people, emotions and motivations; they are often able to put this talent to use in resolving things.ENFJ in 5 Minutes
The ideal mate for an ENFJ appreciates their compassion, support, and dedication to helping others, and makes an effort to understand the ENFJ's feelings and values. As parents, ENFJs take an active and enthusiastic role in guiding the development of their children. They enjoy teaching their children the ways of the world, and set forth clear ideas of right and wrong in a warm and supportive way.
ENFJs have high expectations for their children, and often envision bright futures for them. They have an interest in their children's potential and want to inspire them to develop it.
They can sometimes idealize their children, becoming disappointed when they don't live up to expectations.
They may take their children's misbehavior personally, feeling that they have failed to instill their own strong values. ENFJs are warm, compassionate communicators who show enthusiasm for other people and their ideas. They want to understand what is important to others so that they can take action to improve the situation for all involved. ENFJs readily give affirmation and support, making sure that people know that their ideas are valued.
They are often natural teachers and mentors, showing others the way and helping them to improve themselves. This scary accurate!!!! If you had listed also library in the hobbies I'm a registered dietitian working in the weight-loss field. I use type as a way to help people lose weight in a way that is comfortable for their type. Asking, say, Perceivers to keep a food diary could possibly set them up for failure.
But considering who they are can help them address the issue more sensitively.Having hurt feelings is certainly not a fun experience, but it happens to even the thickest skinned individuals. Some people react by avoiding their sadness, while others find it best to face them head on. Here is how each personality type responds when their feelings have been hurt.
When an INFJ has had their feelings hurt, they initially want to retreat inward.
They need time to process what has happened, and consider why they are feeling this way. INFJs are extremely introspective people, which means they want to fully understand what they are experiencing and why they feel a certain way.
They will rarely lash out when someone hurts their feelings, and will generally keep their pain to themselves. They want to analyze and figure out if they are overreacting, and try to better understand why this person hurt them. In many cases the INFJ will convince themselves that no harm was intended, and will logically understand the situation and move on.
If they feel like someone was intentionally trying to harm them, they might confront that person about it in order to move forward. INFJs rarely lash out at people, it often takes a long time before they feel this is necessary.
They will however become much more defensive over someone they love being hurt. They often shuck their own emotions, for the sake of other people and how they are feeling. If the person did not intend to hurt the ENFJ, they will try to pass it off like nothing happened. They are great at understanding other people, and will often put themselves in this persons shoes before becoming too upset. If the ENFJ comes to the conclusion that this individual intended to harm them, it will likely be very upsetting to them.
How Each Personality Type Responds When Their Feelings Are Hurt
They might need to vent to their close friends, in hopes of reaching a better understanding of the situation. They will likely wait before approaching the person who hurt them, and hope to move on from the situation altogether. INFPs take their close relationships very seriously, which can often cause them to get hurt feelings rather easily.
They can be sensitive to the words and actions of others, and this is because they love very deeply.Everyone has to endure getting their feelings hurt once in a while, in some instances it is more severe than others. For some personality types it does seem easier to receive hurt feelings, especially from those they love.
Anyone with very human emotions is going to get hurt once in a while, whether it is from someone intentionally trying to wound or simply accidental.
When it comes to the people they love the ENFJ can be somewhat sensitive to criticism and getting their feelings hurt might happen often. Instead of tending to their own feelings, ENFJs spend a lot of time and energy focused on helping others and what they are going through. This can cause them to repress when they get their feelings hurt, rather than dealing with and processing those emotions.
When it comes to getting their feelings hurt, ENFJs can be rather sensitive to what people say and how they criticize. They spend a lot of time and energy trying to care for those around them, and so certain criticism can be rather hurtful to them because of this.
ENFJs invest so much in making others happy and in ensuring that they are probably cared for. They want to feel a sense of appreciation from those they love, and want to feel like they are sensitive to the ENFJ feelings as well.
ENFJs would rather avoid this, and so they might bottle up their hurt feelings and pretend like they are fine. Feelings find a way to express themselves, and the more the ENFJ holds them in the worse it can be.
For the ENFJ it can seem like the best choice to just bury things when they are hurt, not wanting to appear like they are weak.
They are often very sensitive and understanding when other people are in pain or become emotional, but they become hard on themselves when the situation is reversed.
Being someone who focuses so much on the emotions of others, is actually something which makes it hard for the ENFJ to focus on themselves. They can struggle to really process their own hurt feelings, not wanting to spend much time diving into those negative emotions.
Being vulnerable can be unnerving for the ENFJ, more than most people realize since they appear so open and enthusiastic most of the time. They are often more withdrawn than people realize when it comes to their own emotions, especially when they have become hurt.
They might put up walls and appear composed, pretending like nothing is bothering them, when in reality they are very hurt. Being someone who always tries to play mediator and make things peaceful around them, can make it hard for the ENFJ to figure out how to deal with their own hurt feelings.
They need to start to learn how to process their own emotions, and make room for themselves in their environment. They simply need to take time for themselves and start setting boundaries so that they can form these habits in their lives. Being someone who cares about others so much makes it hard to care for themselves, but this is something they can start to prioritize over time. Once they start to make room for their own needs, it becomes easier to express when their feelings have been hurt.
ENFJs can benefit from writing things down, or from verbalize those feelings out loud when they are alone. This can help them to process what is going on inside of their own heads before they express them to someone else.
This is often the biggest hurdle for the ENFJ when it comes to being wounded by those around them, as they find is more natural to continue on and be strong to the outside world.
In order to build the lasting connections they value and find their own joy, the ENFJ needs to be more comfortable sharing their emotions even when it is because they have been hurt by someone. How to Deal Being someone who always tries to play mediator and make things peaceful around them, can make it hard for the ENFJ to figure out how to deal with their own hurt feelings. Search for:.ENFJs are the benevolent 'pedagogues' of humanity.
Many ENFJs have tremendous power to manipulate others with their phenomenal interpersonal skills and unique salesmanship. But it's usually not meant as manipulation -- ENFJs generally believe in their dreams, and see themselves as helpers and enablers, which they usually are.
ENFJs are global learners. They see the big picture. The ENFJs focus is expansive. Some can juggle an amazing number of responsibilities or projects simultaneously. Many ENFJs have tremendous entrepreneurial ability. ENFJs are, by definition, Js, with whom we associate organization and decisiveness. But they don't resemble the SJs or even the NTJs in organization of the environment nor occasional recalcitrance.
ENFJs are organized in the arena of interpersonal affairs. Their offices may or may not be cluttered, but their conclusions reached through feelings about people and motives are drawn much more quickly and are more resilient than those of their NFP counterparts.
ENFJs know and appreciate people. Like most NFs, and Feelers in generalthey are apt to neglect themselves and their own needs for the needs of others. They have thinner psychological boundaries than most, and are at risk for being hurt or even abused by less sensitive people. ENFJs often take on more of the burdens of others than they can bear. This refers to the open-door policy of ENFJs. One ENFJ colleague always welcomes me into his office regardless of his own circumstances.
If another person comes to the door, he allows them to interrupt our conversation with their need. While discussing that need, the phone rings and he stops to answer it.
Others drop in with a 'quick question. When he hangs up, I have his undivided attention! ENFJ stands for Extravert, iNtuitive, Feeling, Judging and represents individual's preferences in four dimensions characterising personality type, according to Jung's and Briggs Myers' theories of personality type.
What is your personality type? Take the Test! In the sway of this rational function, these folks are predisposed to closure in matters pertaining to people, and especially on behalf of their beloved. As extraverts, their contacts are wide ranging.
Face-to-face relationships are intense, personable and warm, though they may be so infrequently achieved that intimate friendships are rare. Dominant Feeling prefers to find the silver lining in even the most beggarly perceptions of those in their expanding circle of friends and, of course, in themselves.
In less balanced individuals, such mitigation of the unseemly eventually undermines the ENFJ's integrity and frequently their good name. In healthier individuals, deft use of this awareness of the inner needs and desires of others enables this astute type to win friends, influence people, and avoid compromising entanglements.
The dynamic nature of their intuition moves ENFJs from one project to another with the assurance that the next one will be perfect, or much more nearly so than the last.
ENFJs are continually looking for newer and better solutions to benefit their extensive family, staff, or organization. Sensing is extraverted. ENFJs can manage details, particularly those necessary to implement the prevailing vision. These data have, however, a magical flexible quality. Something to be bought can be had for a song; the same something is invaluable when it's time to sell. We are not certain, but we suspect that such is the influence of the primary function. This wavering of sensory perception is made possible by the weaker and less mature status with which the tertiary is endowed.
Introverted Thinking is least apparent and most enigmatic in this type.